...I must admit that I've never viewed visits with providers as love making per se. Since there is no significant emotional involvement and I am just one on a conveyor belt. It has all been very casual and anonymous, like sex with a total stranger. Perhaps seeing so many different providers for so long was a way of ensuring no proper involvement with women in general. Sigmund would probably blame my Mother and he'd probably be right, lol.

The stuck in an emotional rut and lack of engagement have probably been true to quite a large extent in the past and may explain to some extent my voracious desire for providers instead of conventional relationships. I've been at it on and off for twenty years, man and boy. Sometimes with providers it is satisfying, sometimes it is not, but I don't think it is that much to do with performance anxiety. With providers I long since gave up worrying what they thought about my performance, since it's my party. That was always the point to me.

Perhaps it is just a consequence of all the porn and cumshots Good idea about FBSM, I have not tried that for years and it might be a novelty at least to do again, if and when I return to the hobby. I'm currently in a non-hobby relationship and our sex is fine. Quite regular and fulfilling, including full penetration and lots of loving. For now anyway.

I suppose the real issue is why I bothered with providers at all, particularly since I started when  I was still in my teens.

Good answer and some food for thought, thank you. I was pleased with that